Last week's UGM passed largely without incident. Taking it that your derisory attendance means that you're not interested in the slightest, I'll keep the report to the interesting bits.

Head In The Sand Policy
Our policy to keep those areas of politics that we think no-one wants to hear about out of the Union was once again subjected to further enforcement. An amendment was added to prevent the policy from being revoked for another ten million years.

Speaking at the event, Jeff Bandwagon said: "We need to make sure we keep these stupid fucking idiots, who can't string together a singe intelligent argument without making childish generalisations, out of our Union. The shit for brained, moronic, bastards are not welcome here. If any do start arriving in large numbers and start changing the ways we've been accustomed to for years then we should have the right to send them back."

While motion proposer, Lance Darlington said: "They should all be banned. Those BNP bastards just spread hate. It makes me blind with rage. Wait a minute, don't the BNP rely on former social worker propagandists portraying them as a viable alternative to an increasingly authoritarian establishment? Ah, who cares. Fuck the BNP."

No Fat Chicks Policy
This motion drew a lot of debate from all over the floor which lasted almost half an hour. Concerns were raised that the policy would prevent Vice President Jane Gates from entering the building.

Motion proposer, Nick Well explained: "The policy would only take effect during evening events and even then Jane would be fine so long as she didn't touch the floor."

Despite these reassurances, the motion was defeated.